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weren't dangerous。〃
〃And now？〃 Babette said。
We watched him use his spoon to mold the mashed potatoes on his plate into the shape of a volcanic mountain。 He poured gravy ever so carefully into the opening at the top。 Then he set to work ridding his steak of fat； veins and other imperfections。 It occurred to me that eating is the only form of professionalism most people ever attain。
〃This is the big new worry；〃 he said。 〃Forget spills； fallouts； leakages。 It's the things right around you in your own house that'll get you sooner or later。 It's the electrical and magnetic fields。 Who in this room would believe me if I said that the suicide rate hits an all…time record among people who live near high…voltage power lines？ What makes these people so sad and depressed？ Just the sight of ugly wires and utility poles？ Or does something happen to their brain cells from being exposed to constant rays？〃
He immersed a piece of steak in the gravy that sat in the volcanic depression； then put it in his mouth。 But he did not begin chewing until he'd scooped some potatoes from the lower slopes and added it to the meat。 A tension seemed to be building around the question of whether he could finish the gravy before the potatoes collapsed。
〃Forget headaches and fatigue；〃 he said as he chewed。 〃What about nerve disorders； strange and violent behavior in the home？ There are scientific findings。 Where do you think all the deformed babies are ing from？ Radio and TV； that's where。〃
The girls looked at him。 admiringly。 I wanted to argue with him。 I wanted to ask him why I should believe these scientific findings but not the results that indicated we were safe from Nyodene contamination。 But what could I say； considering my condition？ I wanted to tell him that statistical evidence of the kind he was quoting from was by nature inconclusive and misleading。 I wanted to say that he would learn to regard all such catastrophic findings with equanimity as he matured； grew out of his confining literalism； developed a spirit of informed and skeptical inquiry； advanced in wisdom and rounded judgment； got old； declined； died。
But I only said； 〃Terrifying data is now an industry in itself。 Different firms pete to see how badly they can scare us。〃
〃I've got news for you；〃 he said。 〃The brain of a white rat releases calcium ions when it's exposed to radio…frequency waves。 Does anyone at this table know what that means？〃
Denise looked at her mother。
〃Is this what they teach in school today？〃 Babette said。 〃What happened to civics； how a bill bees a law？ The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the two sides。 I still remember my theorems。 The battle of Bunker Hill was really fought on Breed's Hill。 Here's one。 Latvia； Estonia and Lithuania。〃
〃Was it the Monitor or the Merrimac that got sunk？〃 I said。
〃I don't know but it was Tippecanoe and Tyler too。〃
〃What was that？〃 Steffie said。
〃I want to say he was an Indian running for office。 Here's one。 Who invented the mechanical reaper and how did it change the face of American agriculture？〃
〃I'm trying to remember the three kinds of rock；〃 I said。 〃Igneous； sedimentary and something else。〃
〃What about your logarithms？ What about the causes of economic discontent leading up to the Great Grash？ Here's one。 Who won the Lincoln…Douglas debates？ Careful。 It's not as obvious as it seems。〃
〃Anthracite and bituminous；〃 I said。 〃Isosceles and scalene。〃
The mysterious words came back to me in a rush of confused schoolroom images。
〃Here's one。 Angles； Saxons and Jutes。〃
Déjà vu was still a problem in the area。 A toll…free hotline had been set up。 There were counselors on duty around the clock to talk to people who were troubled by recurring episodes。 Perhaps déjà vu and other tics of the mind and body were the durable products of the airborne toxic event。 But over a period of time it became possible to interpret such things as signs of a deep…reaching isolation we were beginning to feel。 There was no large city with a vaster torment we might use to see our own dilemma in some soothing perspective。 No large city to blame for our sense of victimization。 No city to hate and fear。 No panting megacenter to absorb our woe； to distract us from our unremitting sense of time—
time as the agent of our particular ruin； our chromosome breaks； hysterically multiplying tissue。
〃Baba；〃 I whispered between her breasts； that night in bed。
Although we are for a small town remarkably free of resentment； the absence of a polestar metropolis leaves us feeling in our private moments a little lonely。
24
It was the following night that I discovered the Dylar。 An amber bottle of lightweight plastic。 It was taped to the underside of the radiator cover in the bathroom。 I found it when the radiator began knocking and I removed the cover to study the valve in an earnest and methodical way； trying to disguise to myself the helplessness I felt。
I went at once to find Denise。 She was in bed watching TV。 When I told her what I'd found we went quietly into the bathroom and looked at the bottle together。 It was easy to see the word Dylar through the transparent tape。 Neither of us touched a thing； so great was our surprise at finding the medication concealed in this manner。 We regarded the little tablets with solemn concern。 Then we exchanged a look fraught with implication。
Without a word we replaced the radiator cover； bottle intact； and went back to Denise's room。 The voice at the end of the bed said： 〃Meanwhile here is a quick and attractive lemon garnish suitable for any sea food。〃
Denise sat on the bed； looking past me； past the TV set； past the posters and souvenirs。 Her eyes were narrowed； her face set in a thoughtful scowl。
〃We say nothing to Baba。〃
〃All right；〃 I said。
〃She'll only say she doesn't remember why she put it there。〃
〃What is Dylar？ That's what I want to know。 There are only three or four places she could have gone to get the prescription filled； within a reasonable distance。 A pharmacist can tell us what the stuff is for。 I'll get in the car first thing in the morning。〃
〃I already did that；〃 she said。
〃When？〃
〃Around Christmas。 I went to three drugstores and talked to the Indians behind the counters in the back。〃
〃I think they're Pakistanis。〃
〃Whatever。〃
〃What did they tell you about Dylar？〃
〃Never heard of it。〃
〃Did you ask them to look it up？ They must have lists of the most recent medications。 Supplements； updates。〃
〃They looked。 It's not on any list。〃
〃Unlisted；〃 I said。
〃We'll have to call her doctor。〃
〃I'll call him now。 I'll call him at home。〃
〃Surprise him；〃 she said； with a certain ruthlessness。
〃If I get him at home； he won't be screened by an answering service； a receptionist； a nurse； the young and good…humored doctor who shares his suite of offices and whose role in life is to treat the established doctor's rejects。 Once you're shunted from the older doctor to the younger doctor； it means that you and your disease are second…rate。〃
〃Call him at home；〃 she said。 〃Wake him up。 Trick him into telling us what we want to know。〃
The only phone was in the kitchen。 I ambled down the hall； glancing into our bedroom to make sure Babette was still there； ironing blouses and listening to a call…in show on the radio； a form of entertainment she'd recently bee addicted to。 I went down to the kitchen； found the doctor's name in the phone book and dialed his home number。
The doctor's name was Hookstratten。 It sounded sort of German。 I'd met him once—a stooped man with a bird…wattled face and deep voice。 Denise had said to trick him but the only way to do that was within a context of honesty and truthfulness。 If I pretended to be a stranger seeking information about Dylar； he would either hang up or tell me to e into the office。
He answered on the fourth or fifth ring。 I told him who I was and said I was concerned about Babette。 Concerned enough to call him at home—an admittedly rash act but one I hoped he'd be able to understand。 I said I was fairly sure it was the medication he'