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So my cousin Jasper despaired and； I learned later； wrote to his father on the subject of my excesses who； in his turn； wrote to my father； who took no action or particular thought in the matter； partly because he had disliked my uncle for nearly sixty years and partly because； as Jasper had said； he lived in his own world now； since my mother's death。
Thus； in broad outline； Jasper sketched the more prominent features of my first year； some detail may be added on the same scale。
I had mitted myself earlier to spend the Easter vacation with Collins and； though I would have broken my word without punction and left my former friend friendless； had Sebastian made a sign； no sign was made； accordingly Collins and I spent several economical and instructive weeks together in Ravenna。 A bleak wind blew from the Adriatic among those mighty tombs。 In an hotel bedroom designed for a warmer season； I wrote long letters to Sebastian and called daily at the post： office for his answers。 There were two； each from a different address； neither giving any plain news of himself； for he wrote in a style of remote fantasy … 。。。'Mummy and two attendant poets have three bad colds in the head； so I have e here。 It is the feast of S。 Nichodemus of Thyatira； who was martyred by having goatskin nailed to his pate； and is accordingly the patron of bald heads。 Tell Collins； who I am sure will be bald before us。 There are too many people here； but one； praise heaven！ Has an ear trumpet； and that keeps me in good humour。 And now I must try to catch a fish。 It is too far to send it to you so I will keep the backbone。。。' … which left me fretful。 Collins made notes for a little thesis pointing out the inferiority of the original mosaics to their photographs。 Here was planted the seed of what became his life's harvest。 When； many years later； there appeared the first massive volume of his still unfinished work on Byzantine Art； I was touched to find among two pages of polite； preliminary acknowledgements of debt； my own name： '。。。to Charles Ryder； with the aid of whose all…seeing yes I first saw the Mausoleum of Galla Placidia and San Vitale。。。'
I sometimes wonder whether； had it not been for Sebastian； I might have trodden the same path as Collins round the cultural water…wheel。 My father in his youth sat for All Souls and； in a year of hot petition； failed； other successes and honours came his way later； but that early failure impressed itself on him； and through him on me； so that I came up with an ill…considered sense that there lay the proper and natural goal of the life of reason。 I； too； should doubtless have failed； but； having failed； I might perhaps have slipped into a less august academic life elsewhere。 It is conceivable； but not； I believe； likely； for the hot spring of anarchy rose from the depths where was no solid earth； and burst into the sunlight … a rainbow in its cooling vapours … with a power the rocks could not repress。
In the event； that Easter vacation formed a short stretch of level road in the precipitous descent of which Jasper warned me。 Descent or ascent？ It seems to me that I grew younger daily with each adult habit that I acquired。 I had lived a lonely childhood and a boyhood； straitened by war and overshadowed by bereavement； to the hard bachelordom of English adolescence； the premature dignity and authority of the school system； I had added； a sad and grim strain of my own。 Now； that summer term with Sebastian； it seemed as though I was being given a brief spell of what I had never known； a happy childhood； and though its toys were silk shirts and liqueurs and cigars and its naughtiness high in the catalogue of grave sins； there was something of nursery freshness about us that fell little short of the joy of innocence。 At the end of the term I took my first schools； it was necessary to pass； if I was to remain at Oxford and pass I did； after a week in which I forbade Sebastian my rooms and sat up to a late hour； with iced black； coffee and charcoal biscuits； cramming myself with the neglected texts。 I remember no syllable of them now； but the other； more ancient lore which I acquired that term will be with me in one shape or another to my last hour。
'I like this bad set and I like getting drunk at luncheon'； that was enough then。 Is more needed now？
Looking back； now； after twenty years； there is little I would have left undone or done otherwise。 I could match my cousin Jasper's game…cock maturity with a sturdier fowl。 I could tell him that all the wickedness of that time was like the spirit they mix with the pure grape of the Douro； heady stuff full of dark ingredients； it at once enriched and retarded the whole process of adolescence as the spirit checks the fermentation of the wine； renders it undrinkable； so； that it must lie in the dark year in； year out； until it is brought up at last fit for the table。
I could tell him； too； that to know and love one other； human being is the root of all wisdom。 But I felt no need for these sophistries as I sat before my cousin； saw him； freed from his inconclusive struggle with Pindar； in his dark grey suit； his white tie； his scholar's gown； heard his grave tones and； all the time； savoured the gillyflowers in full bloom under my windows。 I had my secret and sure defence； like a talisman worn in the bosom； felt for in the moment of danger； found and firmly grasped。 So I told him what was not in fact the truth； that I usually had a glass of champagne about that time； and asked him to join me。
On the day after Jasper's Grand Remonstrance I received another； in different terms and from an unexpected source。
All the term I had been seeing rather more of Anthony Blanche than my liking for him warranted。 I lived now among his friends； but our frequent meetings were more of his choosing than mine； for I held him in considerable awe。
In years； he was barely my senior； but he seemed then to be burdened with the experience of the Wandering Jew。 He was indeed a nomad of no nationality。
An attempt had been made in his childhood to make an Englishman of him； he was two years at Eton； then in the middle of the war he had defied the submarines； rejoined his mother in the Argentine； and a clever and audacious schoolboy was added to the valet； the maid； the two chauffeurs； the pekinese； and the second husband。 Criss…cross about the world he travelled with them； waxing in wickedness like a Hogarthian page boy。 When peace came they returned to Europe； to hotels and furnished villas spas； casinos； and bathing beaches。 At this age of fifteen； for a wager； he was disguised as a girl and taken to play at the big table in the Jockey Club at Buenos Aires； he dined with Proust and Gide and was on closer terms with Cocteau and Diaghilev； Firbank sent him novels with fervent inscriptions； he had aroused three irreconcilable feuds in Capri； by his own account he had practised black art in Cefal？and had been cured of drug…taking in California and of an Oedipus plex in Vienna。
At times we all seemed like children beside him … at most times； but not always； for there was a bluster and zest in Anthony which the rest of us had shed somewhere in our more leisured adolescence； on the playing field or in the school…room； his vices flourished less in the pursuit of pleasure than in the wish to shock； and in the midst of his polished exhibitions I was often reminded of an urchin I had once seen in Naples； capering derisively with obscene； unambiguous gestures； before a party of English tourists； as he told the tale of his evening at the gaming table； one could see in the roll of his eye just how he had glanced； covertly； over the dwindling pile of chips at his stepfather's party； while we had been rolling one another in the mud at football and gorging ourselves with crumpets； Anthony had helped oil fading beauties on sub…tropical sands and had sipped his ap閞itif in smart little bars； so that the savage we had tamed was still rampant in him。 He was cruel； too； in the wanton； insect…maiming manner of the very young； and fearless like a little boy； charging； head down； small fists whirling； at the school prefects。
He asked me to dinner； and I was a little discon