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nesays;matermasuperbe;andwillalwaysmakemerecollectthemodestyinwhichthedignityofthelowlyconsists。
ihavestoppedbeforetheprintshanginguponthewall。thislargeandsmilingpomona;seatedonsheavesofcorn;andwhosebasketisoverflowingwithfruit;onlyproducesthoughtsofjoyandplenty;iwaslookingathertheotherday;whenifellasleepdenyingsuchathingasmisery。letusgiveheraspanionthispictureofwinter;inwhicheverythingtellsofsorrowandsuffering:onepicturewillmodifytheother。
andthishappyfamilyofgreuzes!whatjoyinthechildrenseyes!
whatsweetreposeintheyoungwomansface!whatreligiousfeelinginthegrandfatherscountenance!maygodpreservetheirhappinesstothem!
butletushangbyitssidethepictureofthismother;whoweepsoveranemptycradle。humanlifehastwofaces;bothofwhichwemustdaretocontemplateintheirturn。
letmehide;too;theseridiculousmonsterswhichornamentmychimneypiece。platohassaidthat〃thebeautifulisnothingelsethanthevisibleformofthegood。〃ifitisso;theuglyshouldbethevisibleformoftheevil;and;byconstantlybeholdingit;themindinsensiblydeteriorates。
butaboveall;inordertocherishthefeelingsofkindnessandpity;letmehangatthefootofmybedthisaffectingpictureofthelastsleep!
neverhaveibeenabletolookatitwithoutfeelingmyhearttouched。
anoldwoman;clothedinrags;islyingbyaroadside;herstickisatherfeet;andherheadrestsuponastone;shehasfallenasleep;herhandsareclasped;murmuringaprayerofherchildhood;shesleepsherlastsleep;shedreamsherlastdream!
sheseesherself;againastrongandhappychild;keepingthesheeponthemon;gatheringtheberriesfromthehedges;singing;curtsyingtopassers…by;andmakingthesignofthecrosswhenthefirststarappearsintheheavens!happytime;filledwithfragranceandsunshine!shewantsnothingyet;forsheisignorantofwhatthereistowishfor。
butseehergrownup;thetimeiseforworkingbravely:shemustcutthecorn;threshthewheat;carrythebundlesoffloweringcloverorbranchesofwitheredleavestothefarm。ifhertoilishard;hopeshineslikeasunovereverythinganditwipesthedropsofsweataway。
thegrowinggirlalreadyseesthatlifeisatask;butshestillsingsasshefulfillsit。
by…and…byetheburdenbeesheavier;sheisawife;sheisamother!
shemusteconomizethebreadofto…day;havehereyeuponthemorrow;takecareofthesick;andsustainthefeeble;shemustact;inshort;thatpartofanearthlyprovidence;soeasywhengodgivesushisaid;sohardwhenheforsakesus。sheisstillstrong;butsheisanxious;shesingsnolonger!
yetafewyears;andallisovercast。thehusbandshealthisbroken;hiswifeseeshimpineawaybythenowfirelesshearth;coldandhungerfinishwhatsicknesshadbegun;hedies;andhiswidowsitsonthegroundbythecoffinprovidedbythecharityofothers;pressinghertwohalf…nakedlittleonesinherarms。shedreadsthefuture;sheweeps;andshedroopsherhead。
atlastthefuturehase;thechildrenaregrownup;buttheyarenolongerwithher。hersonisfightingunderhiscountrysflag;andhissisterisgone。bothhavebeenlosttoherforalongtime鈥斺€攑erhapsforever;andthestronggirl;thebravewife;thecourageousmother;ishenceforthonlyapooroldbeggar…woman;withoutafamily;andwithoutahome!sheweepsnomore;sorrowhassubduedher;shesurrenders;andwaitsfordeath。
death;thatfaithfulfriendofthewretched;ise:nothideousandwithmockery;assuperstitionrepresents;butbeautiful;smiling;andcrownedwithstars!thegentlephantomstoopstothebeggar;itspalelipsmurmurafewairywords;whichannouncetohertheendofherlabors;apeacefuljoyesovertheagedbeggarwoman;and;leaningontheshoulderofthegreatdeliverer;shehaspassedunconsciouslyfromherlastearthlysleeptohereternalrest。
liethere;thoupoorway…weariedwoman!theleaveswillservetheeforawinding…sheet。nightwillshedhertearsofdewoverthee;andthebirdswillsingsweetlybythyremains。thyvisitherebelowwillnothaveleftmoretracethantheirflightthroughtheair;thynameisalreadyforgotten;andtheonlylegacythouhasttoleaveisthehawthornsticklyingforgottenatthyfeet!
well!someonewilltakeitup鈥斺€攕omesoldierofthatgreathumanhostwhichisscatteredabroadbymiseryorbyvice;forthouartnotanexception;thouartaninstance;andunderthesamesunwhichshinessopleasantlyuponall;inthemidstofthesefloweringvineyards;thisripecorn;andthesewealthycities;entiregenerationssuffer;succeedeachother;andstillbequeathtoeachthebeggarsstick!
thesightofthissadpictureshallmakememoregratefulforwhatgodhasgivenme;andmorepassionateforthosewhomhehastreatedwithlessindulgence;itshallbealessonandasubjectforreflectionforme。
ah!ifwewouldwatchforeverythingthatmightimproveandinstructus;ifthearrangementsofourdailylifeweresodisposedastobeaconstantschoolforourminds!butoftenestwetakenoheedofthem。
manisaneternalmysterytohimself;hisownpersonisahouseintowhichheneverenters;andofwhichhestudiestheoutsidealone。eachofusneedhavecontinuallybeforehimthefamousinscriptionwhichonceinstructedsocrates;andwhichwasengravedonthewallsofdelphibyanunknownhand:
knowthyself。
CHAPTER XII
theendoftheyear
december30th;p。m。
iwasinbed;andhardlyrecoveredfromthedeliriousfeverwhichhadkeptmeforsolongbetweenlifeanddeath。myweakenedbrainwasmakingeffortstorecoveritsactivity;mythoughts;likeraysoflightstrugglingthroughtheclouds;werestillconfusedandimperfect;attimesifeltareturnofthedizzinesswhichmadeachaosofallmyideas;andifloated;sotospeak;betweenalternatefitsofmentalwanderingandconsciousness。
sometimeseverythingseemedplaintome;liketheprospectwhich;fromthetopofsomehighmountain;opensbeforeusinclearweather。wedistinguishwater;woods;villages;cattle;eventhecottageperchedontheedgeoftheravine;thensuddenlythereesagustofwindladenwithmist;andallisconfusedandindistinct。
thus;yieldingtotheoscillationsofahalf…recoveredreason;iallowedmymindtofollowitsvariousimpulseswithouttroublingmyselftoseparatetherealfromtheimaginary;iglidedsoftlyfromonetotheother;andmydreamsandwakingthoughtssucceededcloselyupononeanother。
now;whilemymindiswanderinginthisunsettledstate;see;underneaththeclockwhichmeasuresthehourswithitsloudticking;afemalefigureappearsbeforeme!
atfirstsightisawenoughtosatisfymethatshewasnotadaughterofeve。inhereyewasthelastflashofanexpiringstar;andherfacehadthepallorofanheroicdeath…struggle。shewasdressedinadraperyofathousandchangingcolorsofthebrightestandthemostsombrehues;andheldawitheredgarlandinherhand。
afterhavingcontemplatedherforsomemoments;iaskedhername;andwhatbroughtherintomyattic。hereyes;whichwerefollowingthemovementsoftheclock;turnedtowardme;andshereplied:
〃youseeinmetheyearwhichisjustdrawingtoitsend;ietoreceiveyourthanksandyourfarewell。〃
iraisedmyselfonmyelbowinsurprise;whichsoongaveplacetobitterresentment。
〃ah!youwantthanks;〃criedi;〃butfirstletmeknowwhatfor?
〃wheniweledyouring;iwasstillyoungandvigorous:youhavetakenfrommeeachdaysomelittleofmystrength;andyouhaveendedbyinflictinganillnessuponme;already;thankstoyou;mybloodislesswarm;mymuscleslessfirm;andmyfeetlessagilethanbefore!youhaveplantedthegermsofinfirmityinmybosom;there;wherethesummerflowersoflifeweregrowing;youhavewickedlysownthenettlesofoldage!
〃and;asifitwerenotenoughtoweakenmybody;youhavealsodiminishedthepowersofmysoul;youhaveextinguishedherenthusiasm;sheisbeemoresluggishandmoretimid。formerlyhereyestookinthewholeofmankindintheirgeneroussurvey;butyouhavemadehernearsighted;andnowshehardlyseesbeyondherself!〃thatiswhatyouhavedoneformyspiritualbeing:thenastomyoutwardexistence;seetowhatgrief;neglect;andmiseryyouhavereducedit!〃forthemanydaysthatthefeverhaskeptmechainedtothisbed;whohastakencareofthishomeinwhichiplacedallmyjoy?shallinotfindmyclosetsempty;mybookcase;stripped;allmypoortreasureslostthroughnegligenceordishonesty?wherearetheplantsicultivated;thebirdsifed?allaregone!myatticisdespoiled;silentandsolitary!〃asitisonlyforthelastfewmomentsthatihavereturnedtoaconsciousnessofwhatsurroundsme;iamevenignorantwhohasnursedmeduringmylongillness!doubtlesssomehireling;whowillleavewhenallmymeansofrepenseareexhausted!〃andwhatwillmymasters;forwhomiamboundtowork;havesaidtomyabsence?atthistimeoftheyear;whenbusinessismostpressing;cantheyhavedonewithoutme;willtheyevenhavetriedtodoso?perhapsiamalreadysupersededinthehumblesituationbywhichiearnedmydailybread!anditisthou…thoualone;wickeddaughteroftime鈥斺€攚hohastbroughtallthesemisfortunesuponme:
strength;health;fort;work鈥斺€攖houhasttakenallfromme。ihaveonlyreceivedoutrageandlossfromthee;andyetthoudaresttoclaimmygratitude!
〃ah!diethen;sincethydayise;butdiedespisedandcursed;andmayi