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the days of my life-第2章

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ace will know me no more。
Before this event happens to me; this mon; everyday event which excites so little surprise even among those who knew us and yet; whatever his degree or lack of faith; is so important to the individual concerned; shall overtake me; before I too; like the countless millions who have gone before; put on the Purple and have my part in the majesty of Death; it has entered into my mind that I desire to set down; while I still have my full faculties; certain of my own experiences of life。
I have met many men; I have seen many lands; I have known many emotions — all of them; I think; except that of hate; I have played many parts。 From all this sum of things; tangible or intangible; hidden now in the heart and the memory; some essence may perhaps be pressed which is worthy of preservation; some picture painted at which eyes unborn may be glad to look。 At least; such is my hope。
It is of course impossible for anyone; yes; even for a nun in a convent; to set down life’s every detail for the world to stare at; unless indeed such a person were prepared to order the resulting book to be buried for — let us say — five hundred years。 Could such a work be written by a hand adequate to the task; its interest as a human document would be supreme。 Also it would be beautiful in the sense that the naked truth is always beautiful; even when it tells of evil。 Yet I believe that it will never be written。 For were the writer mean enough to draw the veil from the failings of others; he would certainly keep it wrapped about his own。 Only one man; so far as my knowledge goes; has set down the absolute verity about himself; and it is certain that he did not intend that it should e to the printing…press。 I refer to Samuel Pepys。
Still an enormous amount remains of which a man may write without injuring or hurting the feelings of anyone; and by aid of my memory that; although weak enough in many ways; is strong and clear where essentials are concerned; and of the correspondence which; as it chances; I have preserved for years; with some of this matter I propose to deal。 After all; a man of normal ability and observation who has touched life at many points; cannot pass fifty…five years in the world without learning much; some of which may prove of use to others; and if he dies leaving his experience unrecorded; then like water thrown upon sand it sinks into the grave with him and there is wasted。
Such are the considerations that lead me to attempt this task。
I suppose that before considering it further the first question that I should ask myself and try to answer is; not to what extent I have achieved success; but by how much I have escaped failure in the world。 No positive reply seems possible to this query until I have been dead a good many years; for in such matters time is the only true judge。 Yet that final verdict is capable of a certain amount of intelligent; though possibly erroneous anticipation。
Although all my life I have been more or less connected with the Law; for which I have a natural liking; first as the Master of a High Court and subsequently in the modest but I trust useful office of the Chairman of a Bench of Magistrates; I have done nothing at all at my profession at the Bar。 In an unfortunate hour; considered from this point of view; I employed my somewhat ample leisure in chambers in writing “King Solomon’s Mines。” That; metaphorically; settled my legal hash。 Had it not been for “King Solomon’s Mines;” if even in imagination I may dwell upon such splendour; I might possibly have sat some day where sits my old friend and instructor; Sir Henry Bargrave Deane; as a judge of the Court of Probate and Divorce; in which I proposed to practise like my great…uncle; Doctor John Haggard; famous for his Reports; before me。
Well do I remember how; when one day I was seated in this Division watching a case or devilling for somebody; I unconsciously inscribed my name on the nice white blotting…paper before me。 Presently from behind me I heard a whisper from some solicitor — I think that was his calling — whom business had brought to the Court:
“Are you Rider Haggard; the man who wrote ‘King Solomon’s Mines’?” he said; staring at the tell…tale blotting…paper。
I intimated that such was really my name。
“Then; confound you! Sir; you kept me up till three o’clock this morning。 But what are you doing here in a wig and gown — what are you doing here?”
Very soon I found cause to echo the question and to answer it in the words; “No good。” The British solicitor; and indeed the British client; cannot be induced to put confidence in anyone who has bee well known as an author。 If he has confined his attention to the writing of law…books; he may be tolerated; though hardly; but if his efforts have been on the imaginative side of literature; then for that man they have no use。 That such a person should bine gifts of imagination with forensic aptitude and sound legal knowledge is to them a thing past all belief。
A page or so back I said that my experience might possibly be of use to others; and already the suggestion seems in the way of proof。 If what I write should prevent even one young barrister who hopes to make a mark in his profession; from being beguiled into the fatal paths of authorship; I shall not have laboured in vain。
Next; I have never been able to gratify a very earnest ambition of my younger years; namely; to enter Parliament and shine as a statesman。 Once I tried: it was at the 1895 election; and I almost carried one of the most difficult seats in England。 But almost is not quite; and the awful expense attendant upon contesting a seat in Parliament (in a county division it costs; or used to cost; over 2000 pounds) showed me clearly that; unless they happen to be Labour members; such a career is only open to rich men。 Also I came to understand that it would be practically impossible for me both to earn a living by the writing of books and to plunge eagerly into Parliamentary work; as I know well that I should have done。 Even if I could have found the time by writing in the mornings — which; where imaginative effort is concerned; has always been distasteful to me — my health would never have borne the double strain。
So that dream had to be abandoned; for which I am sorry。 Indeed; a legislative career is about the only one of which the doors are not shut to the writer of fiction; as is proved by many instances; notably that of Disraeli。
Thus it cames about that on these lines I have failed to make any mark。 Fate has shut those doors in my face。 The truth is that “man knoweth not his own way”: he must go where his destiny leads him。 Either so or he is afloat upon an ocean of chance; driven hither and thither by its waves; till at length his frail bark is overset or sinks worn out。 This; however; I do not believe。 If everything else in the universe is governed by law; why should the lot of man alone be excepted from the workings of law?
However this may be; as heralds say in talking of a doubtful descent; whether through appointment or accidentally; it has so e about that; although I have done other things; I must earn my livelihood by the pen。 Now of this I should not have plained had I been in a position to choose my own subjects。 But unhappily those subjects which attract me; such as agricultural and social research; are quite unremunerative。 Everybody talks of the resulting volumes; which receive full and solemn review in all the newspapers; but very few people buy them in these days。 So far as I am aware; remunerative books may be divided roughly into three classes: (1) School or technical works; which must be purchased by scholars preparing for examinations; or for the purposes of their profession; (2) religious works; purchased by scholars preparing themselves for a prosperous career in another world; and (3) works of fiction; purchased — or rather borrowed from libraries (if they cost more than fourpence…halfpenny1) — by persons wishing to be amused。 It has been my lot to cater for the last of these three classes; and as there is other work which I should have much preferred to do; I will not pretend that I have found; or find; the occupation altogether congenial; perhaps because at t
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